In the coming months, I can have one goal per day. I’ll explain later where this comes from and why it is necessary.
Today brings my most difficult: to walk Nate through the hospital doors to begin treatment for AML leukemia.
I have dreaded this since the day we were told nearly a month ago that Nate has leukemia and will need to be admitted for months for intense chemotherapy.
I know this is necessary. I know that Nate needs this treatment in order to save his life. But I feel like I am betraying him. He has no idea what is to come. He is only 1. Nate should be able to continue to enjoy being in his home, waking each day in his own crib, to cuddles with his parents and watching his big brother Sam dance and laugh around his crib. And that is just the morning routine.
During these past few weeks — it is these moments — moments that are the most routine in our day that have become the most precious as I know they are fleeting. I have hope that they will return. But we are entering the scariest time of our lives. And all of this begins when we walk through those hospital doors today.
I’ve done it dozens of times for my kids’ various appointments and during my past life as a prosecutor. Just walk right up to the sliding doors and go inside, into the colorful walls of the children’s hospital. But on this day I’m terrified.
I had hoped for rain today as that would make it easier. Just rush in with Nate in my arms so he wouldn’t get wet.
But today is one of those perfect fall days: designed for stroller walks around the neighborhood.
Will I have to linger outside so Nate can get some fresh air? Will that only make it worse as I become distracted by the nearby playground and sidewalks? Will I have to turn him over to Ted or a staff member because I simply won’t be able to do it?
This is my terrible goal today: to walk Nate into the hospital.
Busy Making Other Plans 
Krista,
Your strength is inspiring. Thank you for sharing your daily goals with us…your friends and staunch supporters. You are blessed to have Nate and Sam, two amazing boys, and an incredible husband. You guys are not alone. If you need anything at all, I pray you ask. I know I am here for you all. I promise.
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Krista- You and Ted are so strong! Each day will bring special challenges, but so many people will be there to lend a hand and prop you up when needed. God has truly blessed us all with Nate, and our wonderful Sam. I look forward to the day when that beautiful little baby boy has blossomed into a terrific toddler, and has conquered this challenge. We will be with you and your family no matter the time or place.
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Krista, Nate is so lucky to have you for a mom. I’m thinking of you, all the time (including during yesterday’s apple picking excursion with John and Chris–you and your mom and your brother are the OG apple pickers circa 1991-4! Can’t ever go apple picking without remembering the times we all went, back then….) You just keep hanging in there, every single day. I’ll keep checking on you!!
Liz
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Krista, thank you for sharing your experience so eloquently. I’m sure it will touch many people and help other parents who face similar challenges. I have boundless faith in you and the beautiful family you have created with Ted. Sending my love and support your way, Kelley
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Krista. So honored you are sharing your thoughts with us. Nate is lucky to have your family’s love and you all have ours. We’ll be with you the entire way. Love to you all.
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The Griffiths are cradled in the arms of the only who can supply strength when we are weary. They are surrounded by friends and family who love ❤ n support you, and know that you are blanketed by our prayers!
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I am amazed by your strength and ability to share your family’s struggle. You will do what you need to do because you are a mom. That being said, you have a village whenever you need it. When you or anyone in your family needs it. I am praying. And I’m just a phone call or text away. Xoxo. Terri
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Dear Krista, Ted, Sam and Nate,
You are an extraordinary family, loved by many. Know many of us are praying for you all and giving thanks we have you in our lives and are blessed by your example of love, faith, strength and hope.
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Krista == just heard the news and am thinking about you, Nate, Sam, and Ted constantly. Please be strong and let us know if we can help in any way.
Love,
Jeff
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