Resilience is a mighty power that children possess.

No parent wants his or her child to go through trauma, stress, disappointment or pain.  But as we all know some degree of that is inevitable.  As much as we want to jump in and take it for our kids, there are some things we just can’t do.  How these little ones smile, bounce back and then move forward should be a motivating force for us adults as we confront our own challenges and heartache.

My goal today is to recall the many examples of resilience my boys have given me.  I’m hopeful these images will give me strength as Nate begins a four-day, continuous dose of chemotherapy.

Here’s Nate not even an hour after doctors yesterday surgically placed a PICC line in his arm, performed a lumbar puncture into his spinal canal and then dosed that spinal canal with chemotherapy.  As he was being wheeled back from the OR, Ted and I crowded around his crib.  He was crying, disoriented from the anesthesia.  We cuddled him and fed him, expecting that he’d want to be in our arms for the rest of the afternoon.  But as soon as his tummy was full, Nate was ready to get going.  He wiggled and squirmed.  I laid him in his crib.  He flipped over, sat up and got to work playing the toy xylophone.

Big Brother Sam yesterday faced his own struggle.  As we hustled to leave for the day, Sam refused to get into Ted’s car, saying he preferred “mommy’s car.”  We were running late and needed first to take Sam to school so as to arrive at the hospital on time.

It should have been obvious to me that the issue for Sam wasn’t mommy’s vs. daddy’s car.  The ride to school signified the start of Sam’s difficult journey with Nate’s absence from home.  So there he was refusing to budge from the cherry tree in the front yard.  I would like to tell you I was the perfect mom in that moment —  that I immediately picked up on Sam’s cues.  But in the midst of my own turmoil, I became irritated and told Sam it didn’t matter which car we rode in and that he just needed to get moving.  That didn’t work.  Instead he crossed his arms and stood silently.  I then threatened to take one of his toys away and put it on top of the refrigerator — the threat that usually does the trick for getting a stubborn child to move.  “I don’t care,” he said.

Then it hit me and at that moment, I could care less if we were late.  I hugged him and told him we’d be okay.  After some more prodding, Sam got into the car.  Thanks to encouragement from one of his favorite teachers, Sam joined his classmates when we arrived at school.  I was so happy to hear from a friend later in the morning that as soon as I left Sam did great.  When I picked him up at the end of the day I brought him to the hospital to visit Nate.  He bounded out of the car and told me to hurry up; he had to say “hi” to Nate and check out the TV in his baby brother’s room.  That’s Sam: the king of resilience.

Like many parents, I often worry about the impact challenging times can have on children.  I did some digging this morning on resilience and was happy to find a good resource via the APA (American Psychological Association) and its Resilience Guide for Parents & Teachers.  Per the APA, “building resilience – the ability to adapt well to adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or even significant sources of stress — can help our children manage stress and feelings of anxiety and uncertainty.”  It’s interesting reading and I especially appreciate the 10 tips for building resilience in children and teens.  Right now our family is facing the very cruel challenge of cancer, but I know that one day we will return to those typical issues that children face.  When that day comes these tips will be just as handy as they are today.